Peaceful Mind Space

Natural confidence is what we all want, but many of us fall far short!

In fact, if you want to be confident you have to practice it – and there’s overwhelming research evidence that shows that ‘you become what you practice’. The question is, how do you do this? The answer is, by using these simple exercises I’m about to describe to you, on a daily basis. They will help you to build up your natural confidence.

What you will achieve is small steps towards your ultimate goal, but they are very important steps so you need to stick to the daily routine. If you don’t want to have to always rely upon using daily techniques in order to survive, you’ll need to imbed this feeling of natural confidence into the core of your being so it’s there whenever you need. That’s what this daily practice will do, it will help you build natural confidence.

Since these steps will be small, you need to pay attention to them and acknowledge them when they happen, and here’s a way you can do that:

Did you know that it takes a super-tanker tens of miles to reverse direction? The captain doesn’t expect it to happen as quickly as driving around a corner in a car, and since he knows it will take a lot longer, he’s prepared for it. He just watches just to make sure that, slowly, slowly, it’s making progress in the direction he wants it to go.

Super-tankers aside then – if you want to make a drastic change in direction, that is, from being unconfident to being naturally confident, for sure it will take some time. So it’s important that you notice and acknowledge all the small changes that take place along the way. That way you’ll know you’re heading in the right direction to ultimately make the changes you want.

What this means is that every time you become aware of being even the slightest, tiniest bit more confident when you do something, express your gratitude, praise yourself and feel good about it!

This is important! I have clients who only focus on the end result – the 100% total confidence they crave – and they’re not interested in the progress they may be making. In fact, they probably don’t even notice it let alone acknowledge it! What they fail to recognize that in order to get to 100% they may move at half or one percent at a time, but that’s closer than when they started out!

If you wanted to lose one stone in weight and after a month found you’d lost half a stone, would you give up? Would you see it as failing to reach your final destination? Or would you, hopefully, see it as having travelled part of the way on your journey?

So let’s talk about the techniques that you’ll need to practice daily if you want to build natural confidence.

Technique 1: Change the things you say to yourself in your mind.

We all talk to ourselves in our heads – and that’s okay! The problem is that for many of us those conversations are always negative. If someone constantly said to you “You’re an idiot” or “You’re not a nice person” or “You’ll never amount to anything”, would you want to be around them? Yet these are the kind of things we say to ourselves!

So the starting point has to be to change the way we talk to ourselves. Each time you catch yourself saying something negative like that to yourself I want you to say it again, out loud if possible, in a more positive way.

Technique 2: Make big, colourful, loud pictures. 

If I say to you “a Ferrari”, or “a Poppy”, you won’t just hear the words you’ll also make a mental picture of it. I don’t suppose you’re generally aware of this, but you do.

So let’s say that you’re thinking to yourself about something you want to achieve, and of course, you also make a mental picture of it. The trouble is that the picture is probably so small, dark and dull you can hardly see it! Do you remember the early black and white TV sets with small screens? Imagine if your picture resembled the pictures on that.

Now imagine if your picture was on a modern, enormous cinema screen with its full, rich Technicolor and surround-sound. Do you think that might motivate and excite you rather more to go and get what you want?

The black and white TV image has its place because I’d like you to use that whenever you have negative thoughts. That will radically reduce your feelings about them. But when you’re thinking about positive things like your dreams and aspirations, I want you to use the modern cinema, and put yourself in the film so it makes you want to participate, to take action and to feel very excited!

Technique 3: Walk like winners walk.

If you were to enter a crowded room you could look around and immediately spot naturally confident people because they stand out from the crowd. In fact they stand, move, sit and use their body in a very different way from the rest of the people.

If you pay close attention to this and start to copy it, you’ll find that you too begin to feel more confident! (You may need to practice a little in the mirror first before launching yourself in public.) Like all the other techniques, practice it every day. In this way you will programme into your body not just the stance, but also the confidence.

Technique 4: Take a risk

Every day I want you to take a very small risk, something you haven’t done before because you felt you didn’t have the confidence. Maybe you could say good morning to the person you always see in the park when you walk the dog. Or perhaps you could choose something different from the menu at the restaurant where you work.

This process of taking risks is like building muscles. You don’t start with the heavy weights, you start with the light ones until you feel comfortable then you very gradually build up to the heavier ones. So you’ll progress from these early, very small risks, to taking slightly bigger ones when you feel you can. In this way you’ll build your confidence, step-by-step.

So – practice all four techniques every day. See these techniques as the stepping stones to your success. You should see some significant changes in your level of confidence within a month!

I sometimes think of this like pushing a car; it’s really difficult to get started but once it’s rolling it gets much easier. Likewise, you may find it difficult in the beginning but if you make these four techniques a part of your daily life and don’t lose the impetus (don’t let the car stop rolling) it will become easier and the changes will come, making you a much more naturally confident person.

Finally, there’s no need for you to tackle this alone. Friends and family may be willing to help, and there are certainly many professionals around who are experienced in giving the support you may need to help you make these major life changes.